Anxiety

By: Cassie L. Smith

I hate anxiety because it makes me use the word hate
Not just use the word
feel the word
burning while simultaneously squeezing my heart
so I can’t breath
gasping from the pending attack
panic taunts me
singing its siren song
long before I can pick up my defenses
And I can feel my heart screaming
the ringing, so much ringing in my ears
my organs swirling like that ride at the festival I avoided when I was 5
for a reason
seasons change and I wonder
how no one can see the literal suffocation inside me
anxiety
count, one, two
this won’t be the one that breaks me
count, three, four
this won’t be the one that takes me
count, five, six
I hate the word anxiety and I hate what it has done to me
breathe